Questions 2:
How did you decide on Ethiopia?
I swear everytime we are asked this question now Eddie and I look at each other, than back to the person, than back to each other – searching our eyes for who will give in and talk this time. I love the story, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a long one and it’s all about a God who is bigger than us and knows how to give us the desires of our hearts, even when we don’t know what they are. That’s not something you can explain with a list of pros and cons. It’s not something you can sum up in a crazy sentence like, we just always wanted to. And it’s not something that makes sense… to a lot of people.
Here’s what I wrote to a handful of girlfriends when Eddie and I finally made the decision:
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“SOOOO….. Eddie and I have decided to adopt from Ethiopia!!!
I know some of you have heard me express my silly expectation that decisions like these seemed like a sort of Christian magic trick – husband and wife go pray on their own and then they come back together completely united with one answer that God has laid on their hearts. I know some of you have also heard how far from this story I felt like Ed and I would deviate. No surprise there – we couldn’t at times be more opposite! Because of this, we were ever so careful to take our time with any conversation about adoption we might have. We tried hard to be kind and patient with each other, keeping our defenses down. Yet, at the end of the day, we were still on opposite paths, not quite sure how to reconcile our differing feelings. I wanted to go the International route, he wanted to privately adopt and both of us had mixed feelings about the fost-adopt system. We weren’t sold on our particular paths 100%, but we weren’t sure as to how to arrive at the final decision!
I finally began to realize that I needed to trust my husband. I needed to leave this decision in God’s hands, and He was in charge of my husband! I wanted to be on this journey with Eddie, side by side, but I needed to give him the final say, the lead. Once I entrusted him with this leadership things began to change quickly. Ed took control over our conversation and prayer. We began to be more intentional and excited. We both seemed to loosen up and to let go of our fears. We grew closer to each other and had a renewed trust in God’s hand in our lives and family. In fact, we were so trusting that we really had no idea what form of adoption we wanted to chase after anymore – everything seemed like a possibility! Hang – ups were gone and our minds were open to God’s will. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had my heart in his hands that week, I was so peaceful about WHATEVER decision Eddie would make for us in the end.
The next week Ed and I went out to coffee and he started talking about International adoption and all these blogs he’d been stalking for information and stories. (yes, my husband became a blog-stalker for a few weeks!) As he was talking I began to notice that I had been preparing my heart for the possibility of private adoption and had completely let go of the idea of adopting Internationally. I almost didn’t want him to say what I had a feeling was coming next – ‘Ellie, I want to adopt from Africa’. In the moment I couldn’t believe what he was saying, and I couldn’t believe that he was so sure about it! This was it, this was his decision, but I was soooo ready for something else! I even asked him if he wanted to take a day to think about it J In retrospect, I realize how crazy that must have sounded to him after close to 8 months of consideration.
A few weeks later I am astounded at God’s work – and how recognizable it is! He calls us to lay down our lives as living sacrifices, to die to ourselves so we might live. It was when I let go completely that He took control and took Eddie and I on a journey that resulted in the desires of our heart! I want everyone to know that He really does listen, that He really is there to guide us and to point us to His will. I do not doubt that God took us by the hand and lead us straight onto the path we are now on. Though I may need reminders of this along the way, He truly is a good and loving God!
I thought you all should know that : ) “
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Our decision becomes sweeter every time we look back at where God brought us. There are so many forms of adoption out there – and we truly considered each one. Hear me clearly on this:
There is not one form of adoption that is better than another.
There is no list of pros and cons.
There is no child that is more in need of “help”.
There is however a child that is waiting for us right now, and God continues to be ever so faithful in shaping and stretching us – our boundaries our marriage our comfort our trust – in bringing us to this child. That is the child that He has in mind, the child that is already changing our lives in so many ways for the better. And we can’t wait to meet this baby!
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